my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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