since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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