You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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