Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I wish I only lived at night.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
