you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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