You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
