if i can run in heels then i can drive
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
