where am i from again
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
