ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
