My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
we're so committed to being not committed
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
