I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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