I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
