just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
