3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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