It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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