im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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