What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
