Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
