i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
