no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
