What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
my poor anus
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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