So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize
