those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
