Already got asked if we're dating
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
