Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
