This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
