I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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