Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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