My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
