Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
