it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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