how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now