he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD