I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...