Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.

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(650): I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs. http://tfl.nu/bo8w

Replies (7) Good night (1536) Bad night (452) Order T-Shirt
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(502): View more from Kentucky

Me too. Send a cab. Order food.

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(502): Me too. Send a cab. Order food. http://tfl.nu/uwpo

Replies (2) Good night (901) Bad night (365) Order T-Shirt
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(901): View more from Tennessee

pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit

(1-901): View more from Tennessee

no

(901): View more from Tennessee

the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table

(901): View more from Tennessee

im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE

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(901): pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit (1-901): no (901): the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table (901): im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE http://tfl.nu/q3wo

Replies (12) Good night (438) Bad night (1322)
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(530): View more from California

shit pants at work. discarded underwear.

(1-530): View more from California

just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?

(530): View more from California

yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.

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(530): shit pants at work. discarded underwear. (1-530): just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now? (530): yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye. http://tfl.nu/oxzl

Replies (44) Good night (879) Bad night (4788)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.

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(508): i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet. http://tfl.nu/0i59

Replies (18) Good night (2086) Bad night (2620) Order T-Shirt
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(330): View more from Ohio

The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.

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(330): The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31. http://tfl.nu/ugns

Replies (27) Good night (4251) Bad night (941) Order T-Shirt
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(301): View more from Maryland

guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye

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(301): guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye http://tfl.nu/qvf8

Replies (34) Good night (501) Bad night (4126) Order T-Shirt
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(925): View more from California

so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious

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(925): so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious http://tfl.nu/hqe9

Replies (16) Good night (4568) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
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(218): View more from Minnesota

I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.

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(218): I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care. http://tfl.nu/yew2

Replies (12) Good night (982) Bad night (4693) Order T-Shirt
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...

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(603): Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing... http://tfl.nu/j7d9

Replies (6) Good night (2386) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
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(319): View more from Iowa

Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.

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(319): Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/l6fh

Replies (2) Good night (1321) Bad night (350)
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(914): View more from New York

Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.

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(914): Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played. http://tfl.nu/0gxi

Replies (4) Good night (2331) Bad night (313) Order T-Shirt
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(860): View more from Connecticut

i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom

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(860): i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom http://tfl.nu/gild

Replies (11) Good night (445) Bad night (1929) Order T-Shirt
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.

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(610): Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka. http://tfl.nu/ea3z

Replies (8) Good night (1026) Bad night (587)
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(404): View more from Georgia

That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool

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(404): That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool http://tfl.nu/ivmu

Replies (6) Good night (358) Bad night (890)

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