It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
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Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
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If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here