I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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