our cab driver is having phone sex.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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