My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
