just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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