in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
