I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
