i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
