Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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