Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
