Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
