I hate all girls vehemently.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
