just survived the first fart of the relationship.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
