we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just want nice things and good sex
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
