I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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