If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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