never play flip cup with pint glasses
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
