So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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