Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
