After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
