Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
