i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
