Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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