I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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