Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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