i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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