I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Randomize
