thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
