I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
