My brain says no but my pants say off.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
