I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
