Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
