I want to walk on stilts...naked
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
