Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
