i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Come on in and take your pants off
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