Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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