I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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