True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
