Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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