did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
