i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
