That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Randomize
