so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
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i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
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its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize