I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
