good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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