this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
