DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
