I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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