if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
