Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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