please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
