someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
