I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
