Are we in a gay sports bar?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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