this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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