i think my tv is drunk
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
