Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
