Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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