Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
