He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
