If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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