she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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