i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
