How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
