well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
third nipple confirmed
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize